Pause, rewind and fast forward

Yesterday I did not have the best days as a mother. My older kids were acting up and I felt like the steam was blowing out of my ears. As a mother, I think we all have those days that we can’t wait to say goodnight to them. It was so stressful; I almost pulled out the wine to put me to sleep. But I think I have been watching too many episodes of “Intervention” and I thought it may lead to a more serious problem..lol.

I cannot even go through all the little things that added up to my frustrations. There are too many to remember, all I can say is that it was very painful. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in their little brains. What makes them think that our patience can put up with the nonsense? Maybe they don’t care if we have the patience, and that is the point of them testing it.

As soon as it was time for bed, there were in it. Jenna gave me a hard time (always happens when you need them to sleep) so by 930pm, they were all tucked in. My husband rolled in the driveway and I rolled out. I got in my car, blasted the radio and was headed to pick up my medium 2 milk, 1 sugar coffee. As I was waiting for it, (after having to repeat my order 3 times..lol) I was on my way to caffeine heaven. What came on the radio really helped me to stop, focus and listen.
“I’m not surprised, not everything lasts; I tried so many times not to lose it; and I promise you kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get.” Were the words I heard. Even though this song is not about motherhood, but about finding love, I found the words ringing right in my ear. Michael Buble’s song made me realize that this is what it’s all about.

Nothing lasts, everything passes. Life is not easy and we try our best to get through it unscaved, especially in the times we want to throw in the towel, but we did sign up for this job. We made the promise to our babies that we would give birth to them and raise them in this world. We vowed to love them unconditionally and to forgive and forget. We promise to give them so much more than we want it return. We give our heart, our soul, our sweat and tears for these little guys; they just don’t get it..yet.

Last night will not be the last time I feel like pouring myself a glass, (ok 5 glasses) of some strong wine. It will not be the last time I feel like locking myself in the bathroom and inhaling the nail polish remover until I pass out. And it will not be the last time I feel like telling my kids their “real mothers” are coming to pick them up and take them back. The one thing I do know, is that it will pass, it does not last and we will look back and remember the days of milk on the floor, shoes at the door and toys in our stoves and actually miss it. I just have to try and remember that I cannot PAUSE, I cannot REWIND, and I really DO NOT want to FAST FORWARD, I like the speed, just as it is.
That’s my peace today!

Chicken Broth with vegies
2 chicken legs back attached
1/2 butternut squash peeled in 1 large piece
2 carrots, peeled and whole
2 stalks celery whole
1 potato peeled whole
3 whole springs parsley
salt

In a large pot boil chicken for 15 minutes. Drain water, put fresh and add all veggies, bring to boil on high, lower to medium high, add salt and continue to boil for over an hour. This broth is nice if you add to a bowl with small pasta. If you do not use at once pour into a Mason jar and preserve in the fridge for up to a week.