It's harder than you know

When a woman has kids her whole life changes. Not only physically and mentally but every possible aspect of life changes. It is especially hard when you have a career that you love and that you are successful at. When you become a mother, you must sacrifice a lot more than your flat belly.

Last night I was at my mom’s house and my sister (who just had a baby 10 months ago) was contemplating going back to work. If it was simple, it would end at that. But of course, it is not that simple. She has 2 young children that she stays home with and cares for everyday. She went to University for a gazillion years and has a degree in ECE and languages, and then some. She worked very hard to get to where she got; before she had kids.
I felt very bad for her because I know what it feels like to want to get out there and be an adult again. But at the same time, she has an obligation to her 2 little ones. A husband gets it. When he has children, he still has to go to work. He doesn’t worry about travel with work, or the location of his office vs. Daycare or school. He does not need to worry about that, because he knows his wife will.

When I went back to work after all my pregnancies I felt sad to leave my kids, but I also felt like “me” again. I didn’t have to sip my coffee 2 feet away from my mouth just in case my little one grabbed it. I didn’t have to wonder if I would be able to pee without racing to see if one of the kids was eating Ajax. I felt like I had control of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still have worries about them, responsibilities when I am away, and when I get home, but from 9-3, I am me.

People say it all the time, your life will change. Yes we know that it does. We no longer plan for ourselves, but we plan for our families. Every decision is carved around their comfort, no longer ours. We are given the most important role anyone can ever have. We must raise babies into adults and we must do our best at it. A stay at home mother has a very long, tiring day. I know; I did it. Some people think you have all the time in the world to go shopping, read, watch soaps and chit chat with your friends. Anyone who stays home, knows that is not true, in fact, it is the exact opposite. Time flies, but it flies with laundry, making breakfast, snacks, lunch, playtime and then dinner time. There is no real break at home.

My sister had a career before she gave birth. She woke up every morning and drove to a place where she was able to chat with colleagues, have a coffee, go for a patio lunch and get a pay check. That all changed. I am sure she is very happy with her life, but sometimes you feel like you are stuck in neutral and always doing the same thing, everyday, over and over. Unfortunately we do not see the rewards until they are grown and out of the home. It is only then, we can see our hard work of motherhood pay off.

Last night when I was at my mothers and I saw my sister’s face when she was talking about the possibility of going back to work, I wanted to cheer her on. I wanted to yell out at the top of my lungs, “Go for it..just do it!” I know she loves what she does when she works, and that is important. I say it all the time, I love my job and for me, it is not considered “work.” I know she feels the same. My sister will end up making the decision that is best for her and her kids, but it is not an easy decision to make. There are so many things she needs to weigh in and analyze. I support her decision either way because I know she will make the right one.

Women have to make that decision every day, and whatever works for you and your family, is the right choice. It is not an easy one, it is not a fast one, and it is not a clear one. It is life at its best. God gave us the opportunity to be moms, and thank God for that. But next time you see a woman or hear a woman telling you she is going back to work after having a child, just know that she didn’t make that decision overnight. She used a lot of paper to write out the pros and cons, she had many conversations with other mothers, and she used a lot of tissues wiping her tears away. It is result of her life as a mother, and as wonderful as it is; it is harder than you know!
That’s my peace today!

Pasta Primavera
1/2 cauliflower cut in pieces
1/2 broccoli cut in pieces
1/2 red pepper sliced thin
1/2 white onion sliced
1 carrot sliced
5 cremini mushrooms sliced
1 pack spagetti
1/2 cup olive oil

In a pan heat 3 tbsp of the oil, add veggies and saute for about 10 minutes, salt and pepper. Cook spagetti as directed, drain and add to veggies, add the rest of the oil and toss in heat for 2 minutes.