Scars and Stretch marks do not make you a mother; Love does

There was a point in my life (for 6 years) when I lived in Montreal. I had just gotten married and was ready to start a new life. I was working in an Advertising Agency and I was doing what I loved most. 10 months after marriage, I got pregnant with my first child, and 9 months after that, I had Joseph.

After 18 months of an extended Mat leave, I came back to work to find many changes in the office. There was new people and new accounts. Our company had replaced my direct manager with some new chick from the States..lol.

At first, Jackie was tough and direct, not really letting me into her personal life. I remember a moment in her office when I began to open up to her and get more personal. I knew she was married and that she didn’t have any children. So I asked her if she wanted any. She replied with, “No, I am quite content with my husband Tony.” She had moved all the way from Atlanta, Georgia to be with her husband. I went on to tell her how wonderful motherhood was and how it changed my life and so on and so on. She just looked at me, smiled, and changed the subject. I did not want to tell her at the time, but I thought she was kind of cold to openly say she had no desire for children.

Call me naive, or call me rude, but I feel like it should be a woman’s natural instinct to want to be a mother. Sometimes in life, things happen, and our road does not lead us down that path, but to openly admit that you do not want kids ever, felt strange to me.

After a few months of working together, Jackie and I became 2 peas in a pod. I embraced her strong Atlanta accent, and she embraced my Italian Toronto accent. It was great, I taught her how to make tomato sauce and jarred olives, and she taught me that not all African American people liked the reggae singer “Shaggy.”..lol. We grew to be very close. Eventually Jackie admitted to me that she and Tony really wanted children and they were exploring the option of adoption.

It was the end of summer, turning into fall when she buzzed me into her office. She was on the phone; I walked up to her desk and on a sticky note, in her beautiful penmanship, she wrote, “It’s a boy.” I gasped, tears in my eyes began to form, and just like that, Jackie was a mom.
Her baby boy was born September 4th, 2003 and 8 days later he was at home with his new mommy and daddy. All those years of wondering if she would ever know the feeling of love for her own child, just came true.

They decided to name their new son Keenan. She was giving a home to this little boy that was being given up for adoption, not because he was not loved by his biological mother, but because she knew that Jackie and Tony would be able to care for him so much more than she could.

Baby Keenan was welcomed home by his grandmothers, his aunties, and his cousins. He had so much love around him, and not 1 person treated him any differently than had Jackie delivered him herself. Jackie took an 8 month maternity leave which turned into an entirety leave...lol. She left our company because she decided to stay home with the new love of her life. I remember one day when I was speaking to her after one of her first few days at home and she told me this, “I cannot believe how much I love this little boy, I always knew I wanted to be a mother but I didn’t know I would be so lucky to have him as MY son.” She was so proud that he was hers, and that she was given the opportunity to raise him.

Tony, Jackie and Keenan eventually moved back to Atlanta, and I eventually moved back to Toronto. But for those years that we lived in the same city we learned a lot from each other. I taught her that not all blondes are ditsy...lol..(ok maybe some more than others)and she taught me that you do not have to give birth to a child to become a mother.

It has been over 7 years since little Keenan was brought into this world, and one day he will learn how much love he brought to a couple that longed for him for so long. He will learn that he made Jackie a mom; and he will learn that her life means so much more, now that he’s in it. He will learn that his biological mother gave Jackie a gift that was more important than any other gift she will receive. And one day little Keenan will learn that in life, scars and stretch marks do not make you a mother; love does.
That’s my peace today!

Jarred Olives
1 case of olives (seasonal in early all)
1 pack salt
1 container of fennel seeds
15 red chilli peppers (whole)
cold water
6 cloves garlic seperated in large pieces
1 egg
15 mason jars

With a mallot, smash the olives (not too hard, just hard enough to split open) keep the bone in. Once that is done, rinse the olives in cold water. In a clean bucket, add cold water (enough to fill 15 jars for the olives, place the egg in the bucket and add the salt. Once the egg surfaces to the top of the water you have put enough salt. Meanwhile, evenly put the fennel seeds, 1 pepper and garlic in jars. Begin to fill with the olives. Once all jars are full, pour the salted water in the jars (completely cover the olives) close the lids very tight. You can enjoy after about 4 months.