30 minutes a day

This week my kids received their progress report. I didn’t really expect anything different than the year before. First I opened up Maria-Alicia’s report. E for Excellent in all the behaviour and independent activity section; developing above level for almost all the academic section. Then, I opened up Joseph’s report. Academically I was happy, he was developing and understanding just fine, I then turned over the paper, all I saw was S, S, S,S.....for Satisfactory. I almost died. Why was he getting satisfactory for his behaviour, conflict resolution and independent work time?

I paused for a little, I think I even had a tear. I then asked Joseph what was going on. He said nothing and that he always gets in trouble at school, even when it’s not him. I am one of those old school mothers when it comes to believing the teacher over my child. I look at it as, of course my son is going to blame the teacher, and he is too small to take responsibility. My husband and I talked it over with him and we both decided to wait until parent teacher interview to hear her side.

Thursday night came and my interview time was 6:40pm. I was nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. I decided Joseph should not be there with me because I felt this should be a confidential conversation between his teacher and I. I arrived and she greeted me with a smile. I sat down, I looked at her and I asked, “What is going on?” At the beginning of the year, Franco and I had gone for curriculum night and she assured us that he was behaving and that all was fine so this is why I was taken aback from the progress report. So she began to explain to me that Joseph is very smart and that he does not have a problem with the work. She said he is a social butterfly and he loves to interact with his friends. She went on to say that he sometimes does not always behave maturely and that he seeks a lot of attention. As she was speaking, bells went off in my head. I always knew that he was an attention seeker because he behaves like that at home, but I never thought he would do the same at school. She went on to tell me that he loves to be praised (not in an arrogant way) but in a child like way, so she praises his good behaviour whenever she could.
I don’t know how I kept the tears from running down my face. I felt like a failure. I felt like someone just confirmed to me what I had known deep down inside, but always tried to ignore. I know that Joseph loves attention but I didn’t realize it was the same at school. The teacher was being sincere in her tone; she calmly suggested that maybe Joseph feels like he is not always heard and that maybe he feels like he has to fight for words at home and he is starting to the same here because he feels like he can never be heard. Again, tears almost began to form; I had to fight ever fibre of being not to cry. I felt like hiding under a rock and throwing stones at myself. I allowed her to finish. I did not get offended or defensive because I knew she meant every word she said with every care in the world. She told me that she thought he was a bright kid, a wonderful free spirited kid, but not always as mature as he should be.

Then it was my turn to speak. I guess I was ok to admit to myself and to her that I do not always give him the attention he needs. All kids are different. Maria-Alicia enjoys being independent she does not need me to praise her every second, Joseph is the opposite. And instead of me comparing him to her, I had to learn to embrace his differences and treat him with more of the love and attention he needed.

I felt empowered when I left the interview. I felt like I had just learned something new in this world of parenthood. As I was going to my daughter’s interview I bumped into another mom. I quickly explained to her the brief realization of my son and how I will not be able to pay as much attention to my other kids as much as I like. She said something really enlightening to me. She said, “Keep your energy and attention for her when she is a teenager because right now she obviously doesn’t need it, but when she does need it you will do just the same for her.” That again, almost made me cry.

I went home and Joseph eagerly asked me what his teacher had said. I sat him down and I told him that she said he is super bright and that she loves being his teacher. I then asked him if he felt like he didn’t get enough attention from us. He looked at me, almost in tears, and said, “Mommy you are always so busy with the babies and you don’t ever have time for us.” I explained to him that he is lucky to have his siblings and that sometimes time gets compromised because of it. But I also came up with a solution. I asked him if we can set aside 30 minutes together every day (just him and I) and we can do whatever he wants in that time. He was excited and said, “I would like that.”

I am starting today (he even reminded me this morning..lol) I try my best every day to be a good mother. I always thought that feeding them, washing their clothes, buying them the necessities was enough, but it is obviously not. I cannot change the way I have been with my son since the babies have arrived. I cannot turn around and give him more of my time that has already passed. What I can do is recognize that I do not spend any alone time with him. I do not sit with him at least once a day and do something with him. I do not have the time that I need to do that to all 4 of my kids. But I have to play it one kid at a time. I have to roll with the punches and fill in the gaps as they come. The other 3 may not need me as much now, my oldest son does.

A mother bites her tongue sometimes when another mother judges. A mother brushes off the comment her own mother makes about her parenting decisions. A mother like the last word when she is arguing with her spouse. Last night when I was sitting there in the small elementary chair and my son’s teacher was speaking, it became all clear to me, I need to enjoy this time with my child. He needs my advice, he needs to hear my thoughts, and he wants to take my advice, because before I know it, I will be the one begging him for just 30 minutes a day.
That's my peace today!

Shrimp and Linguini with Pesto
1 clove garlic crushed
1 tbsp olive oil
1 pack baby shrimps
2 tbs white wine
2 tbs lemon juice
5 tbsp of pesto
1 package linguini

In a pan put garlic and olive oil and heat. Add shrimp, lemon juice and wine. (if there is too much liquid drain some). Once shrimp is pink and cooked, add 1 tbsp of the pesto, toss and put aside. Boil the pasta, drain. In the same pot place the rest of the pesto and mix. Make sure the pasta is well coated with pesto. Top with shrimp.