"No...MY MA MA"

When I had my first child it was me and him against the world. He was my frick and I was his frack. I would watch him breathe at night and just stare at him while he was playing or watching tv. I think it took me a whole year to fully believe he was my child. He was the most perfect little baby boy any mother could have hoped for. I wanted to enjoy him as much as I could, so my husband and I decided to wait a little while before we had another baby.

After 3 years, we welcomed our precious daughter. It was also the most amazing feeling to me because I always wanted a daughter and I had been blessed with one. Once she came into our family, the dynamics automatically changed. I now had to split my time into 3; my 2 kids and my husband (there was never time for me anymore).

For a while we were on the fence about having any more kids so we waited, and waited, and finally after 3 years we decided it was time. If we wanted a third it had to be done. Well as you all know, we were surprisingly blessed with twins. If you can ever imagine a life changing event, it was that. As precious and miraculous as they were, it was a lot of extra work. I think I cried every day for the first year of their life. That is not because I wasn’t happy, but because I was overwhelmed. I remember a time when I first got home from the hospital, Joseph was 7 and I still helped him shower. I was washing him and I suddenly began to cry, and I mean hysterically. He looked at me and asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong?” I answered with my very sensitive hormones, “Nothing Joseph, I just miss our old family.” I know that may sound horrible now when I write it, but at the time I felt like I had caused a tornado in the family by having 2 more children. I can now see that it was obviously my hormones overplaying that day, but let me tell you, I had many of those days.

One thing I have learned over the years is, never judge or question a mother the first 3 weeks of her babies’ life, she goes a little coo coo for a bit, but eventually she comes back. After almost 10 years of being a mother I have also realized that the saying, “You cannot please the people all the time” rings true to a mother. No matter if you think you are doing your best and giving your all to each child you have, they may sometimes feel like you are not.

I see it in my adult life. I have 3 sisters. Although it is the most wonderful blessing any girl can have, it may also be a small battle for our mother. She tries her best to “hang” out with us as much as she can. But because we all adore her and want her around, by the time she makes her rounds we want her again..lol.

I know sometimes my kids feel like I can’t always listen to them whole heartedly, or that I can’t spend 100% of my time with only them, but I try. Sometimes they get frustrated and blurt out things like, “You are always playing with Joseph” or “You are always going out with Maria-Alicia”. It hurts, but I try to explain to them that they may have to share me, but they are blessed with the most priceless gift in the world of siblings. They sometimes don’t buy it, but I have to vocalize it. Now my little twins are starting too. I feel bad sometimes. I mean, if you think about it, they had to share a womb, share a birth canal, they then shared a crib and they share a very important day; their birthday.

Although they look for each other if the other is not there, and they wake each other up every morning, I know that sometimes they want all of my attention. They are getting older and they need a lot more from me every day. They are growing into little people, with little minds, thoughts, and wants. About a month ago they started this thing that they each climb on me, try to push the other off and tell each other that I am their ma ma. It is quite funny and cute, but sometimes when I want to feel depressed lol, I feel bad for them that they have to always share me. The older ones began joining in too now. All 4 of my kids are their own people, with their own dreams, their own likes, and their own dislikes. But sometimes I feel like I can’t give them as much love and attention as they may need.

Being a mother is not an easy job. It is not a fair job either. Our kids need us a lot while they are growing into people. They need us to teach them, to guide them and to help them make the right choices. I know that having 4 children is a blessing and I would never change it for anything (not even an encounter with Jon Bon..lol) but sometimes the human part of me, the mother part of me, the guilty part of me, wants so badly to be able to give my kids equal amounts of my time. But I know it’s not always realistic. I know that I try my best to be the best to each of them, just like my own mother does. I know one day they will somehow try to blame me for something I didn’t do right, like we do to our mother..lol..but it’s ok, I’m prepared for it. I guess for now, instead of feeling bad when they jump on me, pushing the other one off of me, I will just smile when they scream out to each other, “No...MY MA MA” Because I will know that any mother will feel so blessed to be so loved.

That’s my peace today!

Beef broth with Vegtables
1 osso bucco
1/2 cup peeled squash
1 sweet potato
2 peeled carrots
1 peeled white onion
1/2 cup parsley
1 whole tomatoe
2 stalks celery
salt to taste
In a large pot, fill with water, add beef and boil for 2o minutes. With a mesh laddle, remove all the fat from the water. Add all the vegies and salt. Boil for 1 hour on med high. Serve with cooked small pasta.